My Benzene Law Firm

Dear local townspeople,

Do you believe our town is as clean as it could be? Everyday you walk the streets of our city and smell that nasty smoke which smokers leave behind. All those chemicals and poisons can not be good to have floating around in the air. Smokers have an adverse effect not only on themselves, but also to those people around them as well. Smokers are trashing our peaceful town by just throwing their cigarette butts on the ground where we all have to walk and our children have to play. This type of filth is not acceptable. Our city deserves to be a clean place suitable for all of those who live in it. I am proposing that we put a new law into place that bans smoking in all public areas in our town. I am advocating for this change because smoking exposes innocent people to secondhand smoke, it fills our town with unwanted filth, and because it encourages negative health actions by letting children watch adults who are smoking.
Smoking out in public not only damages smokers’ bodies, but also those who have to be around them. Secondhand smoke is a mixture of the smoke given off by the burning end of a cigarette and the smoke exhaled from the lungs of smokers. It is involuntarily inhaled by nonsmokers. It lingers in the air hours after cigarettes have been extinguished and can cause or exacerbate a wide range of adverse health effects, including cancer, respiratory infections, and asthma. Secondhand smoke exposure causes disease and premature death in children and adults who do not smoke. It contains hundreds of chemicals known to be toxic or carcinogenic, including formaldehyde, benzene, vinyl chloride, arsenic ammonia and hydrogen cyanide. Secondhand smoke causes almost 50,000 deaths in adult nonsmokers in the United States each year. Therefore, if we ban smoking in all public places in our town we will be able to prevent many diseases and deaths from occurring. Together we can make our town a healthier place to live.

What can I do to make this better?

Well, I’d like to first say that you have a pretty solid basis here, but I would add some stylistic changes to increase the persuasive function of the essay.

First, don’t name smokers as the cause right away.
start by just pointing out all the filth, getting your audience agreeing with you, THEN you blame it on the smokers. If you lay blame to quickly, your audience may think you’re finger-pointing or presumptuous, and that’s not persuasive.

Second, I would make the descriptions more vivid. Don’t just stop by saying that there’s filth and smoke, but DESCRIBE the experience, it’ll be more convincing,
other than that it’s good

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